My husband does not like to work. He is not diligent or focused. He left paid employment to start something for himself.
He is however always at home, eating, sleeping and playing computer games.
He has depleted our savings, and is quite aggressive towards my kids and I.
Please can he ever change, or should I just walk away?
This is a very complex situation, you will have to deal with this in a sensitive manner. However it is not too big for God to handle! What I would like to know is, if this is your husband’s attitude to work in general or is it that he has not found what he likes to do. And how long has he been working for himself. Are you working yourself?
Right now I don’t think your husband is in a happy place, playing computer games seems to me like he is looking for a way of escaping from reality. His self esteem and self image is probably at the lowest, and there is the tendency to take out his frustration on you and your children.
Please I will encourage you to take time out in prayer. Fast and pray, you could even start with once a week, and occasionally stay late from 12-12:30 in the midnight and cry to God in prayer. You are fighting for the destiny of your family. Every evening, call your children before they go to bed and pray with them for their daddy.
If you have a prayer partner ask her to join you at least once a week to pray for your husband. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results (James 5:16). Please don’t get upset with him, respond to him respectfully as he is still the head of your home, and speak words of affirmation to him. Words that will bring out the King in him. God will help you.
This particular period marks a chapter in the history of your family, however, I believe God Almighty will open another chapter that will completely turn things around for the good of your family.
I must commend you on your perseverance. God bless you richly.
It’s worth having a heart to heart discussion with him, say over a romantic dinner for two to go through all the issues you’ve raised, amicably. Let him know of your plans for the evening and of the need for you both to have some quality time together; time for you both to discuss how you see your future and how you will get there together. You say he is ‘…aggressive towards my kids and I’ – did you mean ‘our’ kids or is he not their father?
The issues and your approach therefore, will be rather different if he is NOT their father. Is there anyone who could influence him positively and encourage a change in his behaviour?
The bottom line is that he needs to grow up and take responsibility for his family.
Don’t give up without trying hard first though!
Try and reason with him, I will suggest this should be done prayerfully. While prayerfully reasoning with him – ask how you can help?
Tell people about his business, keep encouraging him. You even need to rule out clinical depression, because except he’s always been this way, your account of your husband’s behavior is quite unnatural.
Barring depression, if there is no change, you will gather yourself up in strength and ensure you work hard to take care of yourself and the family.
Ask yourself – what if he wasn’t there? You would carry on, wouldn’t you? Ensure everyone including him has the BASIC NEEDS – Shelter, food, school fees etc (ask for help from loved ones if necessary).
However you must submissively decline to provide for his WANTS as well. Walking out is not recommended because as much as possible having both parties around in a marriage is vital, of course except your physical and mental health are being threatened, even at that only the Holy Spirit can ask you to leave.
So continue to develop a vibrant relationship with the Holy Spirit. He will guide you aright IJN.