As a single lady myself, in my late twenties, I am not new to the pressures ladies, slightly older or younger than I am, face in the society when it comes to the topic of marriage. We hear all sorts: “When are we coming to eat rice?”, “You are not getting any younger”, “Don’t you want to give me a grandchild?”, and many more. I believe our parents and the society, at large, have our best interest at heart but unfortunately, they have no clue to the kind of pressure this puts ladies of “marital age” under.
At a singles’ meeting, sometime ago, in my church, I was made to understand that our mothers also feel this pressure from their friends who have married children. So, dear ladies, please do not blame your mothers when they keep nagging you about marriage.
Social media also plays a huge part in this. Every week, Instagram and Bella Naija do not fail to dish out pictures of marriage proposals, pre-wedding photoshoots and wedding photos. As a result of this, many girls get lost in the whole getting married frenzy. (By the way, I am a huge fan of Bella Naija, especially the wedding section; so, don’t think it’s just you!).Even if you do not see it, friends or co-workers talk about it in the office –“Did you see that bride on Instagram?”, “That dress was made by AprilbyKunbi”, “That wedding was too mad…, Zapphire Events planned it.”
In the midst of these pressures, some ladies tend to forget that marriage is way much more than the pictures seen on Instagram. They simply want to get married so that they too can post pictures on Instagram, and people can “ooh” and “ahh” over it.
In the Nigerian society, once a lady is 30 years of age, and unmarried, people start asking questions as if there is something wrong with her. Some ladies rush into marriage as a result of these pressures.
In some cases, some girls even start chasing men. Also, let us not forget that some ladies may already be in relationships that are abusive physically or emotionally. However, these ladies remain in such relationships because of one major thing – FEAR. Fear of starting over having invested a good number of years in such relationship; fear of who will take care of her and her family, in a situation where the man has probably been doing that; fear of what people will say and have said. These pressures have made many ladies, out there, make mistakes and enter marriages they are unable to get out of.
Single ladies, before you think of marrying someone out of pressure, I want to let you in on a few important points:
- The age you are right now is the prime of your life.
- Your present age is the age of decision.
- Every decision you make now has the ability to affect your future positively or negatively.
So, single ladies, I will like you to ponder on these points for a while and then reflect on what is going on in your life presently. Are you giving in to the pressures of family and the society? If you are, please halt, think deeply about the life ahead of you before giving in to such pressures. You do not want to rush into marriage and then rush out.
My dear single ladies, at this point of your life, why not forget about these pressures and go back to your first love. Yes…your first love, the One who gave you life on this earth. Yes, I am talking about our one and only Heavenly Father. Amidst all these pressures, single ladies, don’t forget that He is the only One who can give you peace, not the kind that comes and goes, but the peace that surpasses all human understanding. Why not surrender your all to Him? Let Him take over every aspect of your life.
In doing this, you will be joyful and, most importantly, have lasting peace. In addition, every other aspect of your life will fall into place.
I urge you, my dear ladies, to return to your first love, because He is patiently waiting for you. He wants to be your Father, Friend and Confidant. (Please reflect on Matthew 6:33 and Philippians 4:6-7.)
I hope this letter helps someone out there.
Oseremen “Milli” Okpere